Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy F*&@^#ing New Year!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. New Year's resolutions suck. Does anybody ever resolve to do anything that is genuinely worthwhile, and if so, do they ever actually do it? If not, what the hell is the point, other than to increase gym membership sales and/or to make people feel bad?

The worst part is the "experts" who come crawling out of the woodwork at this time every year to tell you why human beings are such weak and pathetic pieces of shit and to give you advice on sticking to your resolutions. Here's a great example. In this CNN article, Kelly Haws informs us that the reason people fail to keep their resolutions is that "people are resistant to things that are uncomfortable or have them feeling deprived." Wow, no shit? I thought people loved things that are uncomfortable and make them feel deprived. I guess that's why Kelly Haws is an assistant professor of marketing at Texas A&M and I'm not.

Also, why is this article so hung up on demonizing lattes? What's wrong with a daily latte? Caffeine, in moderation at least, is good for you. In the short term, it increases your endurance so you can exercise longer and harder, which is also good for you, at least up to a point. Dairy, by most people's reckoning, is also good for you, especially the fat-free kind. Lattes taste good and are aesthetically and even spiritually satisfying. They are a nice way to start your day. If you make them at home, they are inexpensive. So what exactly is the problem with lattes (other than that they are the beverage of choice of the elitist left-wing god-hating terrorist-loving Volvo-driving intelligentsia)? The beverage pictured in the article with the caption under it referring to a "latte" isn't even a latte. I don't know what the hell it is, but it's not a latte.

Happy New Year anyway.


meg said...

Yeah, that photo looks more like a Brandy Alexander.

I don't understand the appeal of NY resolutions either -- although I'm prepared to hear a lot about them (esp. those involving Demon Tobacco) at tonight's party.

Maude Lebowski said...

i think meg is right. it does look like a brandy alexander, just my $.02.

i, too, hate new year resolutions. i like goals or intentions, and i "need" these to help remind me of the person i want to be. i hate that nearly every new year's resolution involves "losing weight." yes, i'd like to lose weight too, but wouldn't a better thing be to engage in a healthy lifestyle that doesn't involve constant dieting or talking about one's weight or the food one has consumed that day? honestly, i am dreading going back to the office on monday because i know about 98% of the people will have the new year's resolution to lose weight and how they really are going to stick to it this time and how this is the year they get thin for good, blah, blah, blah.

i didn't mean to rant. i suppose i'm not any different because i try to mask all of this under the guise of taking care of me.

and wtf? lattes and hair highlights? this seems to be really biased against women, too. i mean, hell, we should all just give up right like in the first batman when no one wore make up or deodorant or anything and then we'll all be criticized for not living up to a standard of beauty these same fucking marketing people try to uphold us to.

oh how i wish i had a latte now.

i'm sorry for taking over your comment section, too.

Mary said...

LOL! Rants are always welcome.

I didn't really think about how the things they mentioned were more geared towards women than men. Now I hate that article even more.

And you guys may be right about the brandy alexander, but in that case it's a weird one (or as meg & K might say, "non-canonical"). If I ever ordered a brandy alexander and it showed up with big stripes of chocolate sauce on the inside of the glass, I would be sending that shit back to the bartender.

Anonymous said...

Hi - I don't know where else to post this, but Salon's Broadsheet had an interesting item about how overweight women receive inadequate chemo treatment, because doses are calculated based on ideal weight. So, overweight women die earlier, but the mortality rate is ascribed to obesity, not under-treatment.

Anonymous said...

Fatties, has it been decided whether one adds fat cells after puberty? Do "they" know whether an abnormally large number of fat cells contributes to hunger and appetite?

Mary said...

I'm not sure, but I think you can get more fat cells your whole life. As for appetite, I've never heard of it being affected by the number of fat cells. I guess it's possible, but I'd be surprised since plenty of fat people don't actually eat any more, or much more, than thin people (even if you don't allot extra calories for the extra body mass).

Anonymous said...

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. New Year's resolutions suck. Does anybody ever resolve to do anything that is genuinely worthwhile, and if so, do they ever actually do it?"

Yes, actually. Been there, done that, still have the good results.

Mary said...

Well, congratulations. I checked out your blog and saw you're a Weight Watchers person. If that worked for you, super. But if there's one thing in the world I can say a big old "been there, done that" to, it's Weight Watchers.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I love New Year's resolutions. the chance to feel like you can still succeed, to operationalize worthwhile goals, to keep trying and not give up, are all good aspects to me.

For example: this year I resolve to give blood. I've never done it, because I'm scared to death, but it's a social good and I want to face my fear. Last year, I resolved to eat as many vegetables as I could. Not to lose weight, but because I love vegetables and paradoxically, put off eating them because they're 'special.' So, I started eating a lot more vegetables. One year I resolved to pay off my credit cards and did so, and have had much more success keeping a 0 balance now as a result.

It's the constant Sisyphyean struggle - one never wins, but never really loses either.

Anonymous said...

Of course, I could learn to spell also. Sysiphus/Sisyphus, I mean Sisyphus.

Jen said...

I don't think they drive volvos anymore.